Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i drank out of a bidet.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.