Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.