he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.