I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
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i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
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Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.