super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i only shaved half my leg
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
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why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
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Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.