I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
