so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You were trust falling into bushes
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
