I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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