Please, let me fuck your mom
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I touched a dick in church today
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
