btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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