Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
