hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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