Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
