How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
