You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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