I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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