I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
