That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just pee around me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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