Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
