i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My vagina is very pro this idea
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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