In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
farters have to be the big spoon...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
