dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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