I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
