I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
