yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
