Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
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Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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