Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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