i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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