I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We need a shit load of segways right now
Randomize
