Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
