Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
