Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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