So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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