You work out of a Hotel?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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