Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
then he tried to convert me to islam
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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