I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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