she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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