I think im going to throw up on grandma
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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