Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
