Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
