you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
