how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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