Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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