I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
