how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
