he shaved USA in his pubs
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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