She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
