fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
