I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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