Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
