A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I want to fling myself into the sun
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize