Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Randomize
