Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
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i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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