I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
