i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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