I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
