Whats the glycemic index on semen?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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