I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
