im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
