then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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