Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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