i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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