Pappa wants mamma naked
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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