Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
