Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
