Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
