And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
