Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
