Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
