when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
