we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
